9:00 p.m.-11:00 p.m.-Party Bus

The Party Bus pulled out of Ottawa close to nine on a cold, rainy and ugly October night. En route to Stages Nightclub in Kingston, we bribed the driver to let us drink and smoke. By the time our chariot reached the venue two hours later, one dude was already passed out drunk and the bus was hot-boxed. The liquor, smoke and weather didn’t seem to dampen the mood of any of the other revellers gathered for a road trip to see the contemporary, electro-hip-hop Motley Crue, Red Foo and Sky Blu – the charismatic characters that together form LMFAO. Party Rock, the duo’s debut, spewing from laptop speakers at the front of our chariot, was drowned out mainly by feedback from sixteen conversations and the drone of the rickety old bus cruising down the 401 at 110. Drunk pissing is like sneezing, especially when you’re boosted, travelling and have a bladder full of beer. We stopped twice, nearly thrice, for collective co-ed piss breaks along the highway, which helped to tighten the team. By the time we reached the heart of the 1000 Islands, everyone was laughing, joking and having a blast.

11:00 p.m.-2:00 a.m.-Booze Fest

An LMFAO concert is no place for the 13- to 18-year-old crowd. Like the Crue in the 80s, Red Foo and Sky Blu are party pranksters, seldom sober and never without a handful of sexy groupies within hip’s length. When Foo and Blu hit the stage on this night, liquor was flying in the form of Corona, while Grey Goose shots were being poured for and on the front row, made up almost exclusively of sexy young chicks. With almost as much nudity as a late-eighties metal show, blinding lights and pulsating, infectious sounds delivered with enough energy to snap a spine, it was tough to stay on task and focussed in the middle of the mayhem. Looking around Stages, it wasn’t hard to tell where the inspiration for a song like “What Happens at the Party” came from. By the time “Shots” featuring Lil John played, everyone in the club was smashed. When the set ended, I could hardly see or stand. My clothes were drenched in sweat and booze, and I was a halfway to what is known the next day as a blackout. And that’s about the time Alex grabbed me. “Time for the interview. Let’s go,” he said as I followed him blindly to a backroom in the club.

2:00 a.m.-2:30 a.m.-Drunken Interview

In earlier years, it was common to catch me raiding riders and conducting interviews teetering on the edge of a chair, slurring my questions, shit-faced and staring at subjects through bloodshot eyes. Georges St. Pierre, Kardinal Offishall, The Waking Eyes, Sage Francis and DL Incognito are but a handful of the celebrities I’ve sat and chatted with after a few too many drinks. It was an impromptu interview with Classified, which went particularly awry, that made me stop drinking and working at the same time. That is, until this night in Kingston. By the time I got backstage for the interview with LMFAO, I was totally smashed. I blacked out completely and had no clue what I was doing. Looking back at the tape from the night, it showed. I could hardly read the questions that I had prepared for hours prior to the sit down; had no clue a soft-core porno was going on to my immediate right; for some reason, petted Red like a dog; and was uncontrollably blurting out random lines like: “Taylor Swift this bitch!” If it weren’t for the tape, I wouldn’t even believe the interview happened. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: No more drunken interviews…Until the next time I run into LMFAO.

RLR

Big Thanks: UMM Entertainment, LMFAO and all the party people across the globe!